Wednesday Weirdness #13 (A day late, I know… whoops)

1.) What material is your favorite for bed sheets?
anything smooth, I hate those little fuzz ball thingys that get on the sheets. And those kind are way too hot in the summer, sheets that promote coolness (both temperature and radical wise)

2.) How often do you masturbate?
It varies… anywhere from 0 to 5 or 6 times a week… usually closer to the 0

3.) What takes you the longest to do while showering? (IE shaving, washing hair, etc).
Um… the showering in general part… I don’t do a whole lot in there that takes a lot of time, but sometimes i just stand under the water and enjoy the warmth/coolness of the water.

4.) What do you think is the right amount of foreplay?
Until she wakes up. Zing! I dunno… like I’d know

5.) Who tends to initiate sex more when you are in a relationship?
You say that like it happens.

6.) What birth control do you use?
Never having sex? I heard ya can’t get anyone pregnant that way.

7.) What is one thing your partner could do in bed that would instantly turn you off?
Hmm… be a dude…. thats something I think they should tell ya right away if you ask me.

WW

Consecutive Lonely Weekend #168: Enter Confusion

Another lonely weekend on its way and saturday morning I was wondering if I’d have any highlights to write about. And apparently I do.

The closest thing I have to a friend, or maybe I should say ex-closest thing I had to a friend, apparently hates me and I have no idea why.

She IMed me saturday with “ohhhh shit” so immediately I think she found out bad news from her doctor, or is in a fight with her room mate, or something really bad happened. And as I usually do with my friends, I begin to worry, until she tells me that you get into a Chiodos (her favorite band) show for free if you send them a pic of your Chiodos tattoo. I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that is not life threatening news. I’m about to ask her if she ever got that chiodos quote tattoo she said she wanted, she mentions that she gets paid on friday. I figure thats her way of saying “I’m getting my tattoo after I get paid on friday.” I have nothing really relevent to add to her last comment. I know she loves Chiodos/Craig Owens, I know she’s been talking about getting a Chiodos tattoo, I even know where she wants the tattoo. Hence, I’m sure she’ll send the pick of the tattoo to Chiodos, hence, getting into a future Chiodos show for free. So, instead of saying nothing which might imply that I don’t give a shit about her getting a tattoo or seeing chiodos, I just say “OK.”

And those two little letters apparently pissed her the fuck off…

She called me an asshole at least twice, said that I purposely make her feel like shit all the time, and that I never care about what happens in her life.

Enter confusion.

So I’m here, trying to figure out what the hell I did. All this just because I said “OK”? Maybe I should have asked her to describe the tattoo she’s getting again, even though I already know about it, and it’d be a waste of time for her to explain it to me again.

So, very concerned that she’s angry with me, I ask her how I’ve made her feel like shit. She repeats the fact that when she says something I don’t care care about it, which is untrue, I’ve always found her fascinating. So I ask her for a specific example of when and what she said and what I said, or didn’t say, that made her feel like that, but she just repeated that everything I say, every single day, I make her feel like shit. No specific examples, however. If, and its a big if, I did say something to her that made her feel like shit, it wasn’t my intent, it’s very possible she misunderstood me. But everything I say makes her think I don’t care about her? I find that hard to believe.

So I compiled a list of things that she might mean, In my still confused state these seem like viable examples to times where I’ve said or done something that made her feel like shit.

1. The time she got to go to an amusement park and camping for her birthday, and I left a comment on her myspace saying “I hope you’re having fun on your birthday, you deserve it.” I totally understand how selfish and assholic that comment is.

2. When she told me she was gonna die during surgery, and I waited by the phone for hours until her mom called after her surgery, and said that she was OK, and the immense relief I felt, how I basically jumped around the room, incredibly happy that she was OK and nearly started crying because I was so happy she was still alive. That was also the sign of a major asshole.

3. The times I go out of my way just to make her laugh, even if I gotta make fun of myself, and usually failing miserably. Muchos Asshole.

4. The numerous times I told her how beautiful, strong, smart, and overall amazing I think she is. Perfect asshole characteristics.

5. When she went to the warped tour and got her chance to meet Chiodos/Craig Owens I sent her a myspace comment saying “I hope you have fun today.” and later on, after she said she was moments away from the best moment of her life, I left a comment that said “I’m glad to hear that you’re happy” (Not to mention the numerous times that I’ve been glad that she had fun doing something or going somewhere). Only assholes get happy when they hear that their friends are happy.

6. All the times I felt bad that I couldn’t do anything to help her health, or be there to do stuff with her, and expressed my sadness due to helplessness. A nice person wouldn’t do that, only an asshole.

7. The times I try to talk her out of hurting herself. Most nice guys would just let her do it.

8. The 4 or 5 times, if not more, that I get all excited about her coming here to hang out, and she doesn’t make it here, but I’m just as excited, if not more, the next time. Starts with an “A” ends with a “sshole.”

9. That fact that I always try to learn everything I can about her. Assholey.

10. The uncountable times we playfully argueed over who loved who more. Most assholes would try to prove how much they love a girl, hence, I’m an asshole.

So yeah, I guess I can understand that she thinks I’m the world’s biggest asshole.

TMI Tuesday #143: School Days Edition

1. What were you known as in HS (Jock, Princess, Geek): GASD didn’t really have a lot of different groups. I’d say I was a floater. I had friends from each group, I had the Wood Shop/Gear head/grease monkey friends, a few friends from the “popular kids” group, a few friends from the jocks, some from the dorks, some from pretty much each category, even the Galeton-only group known as the Pig turds lol. I wasn’t so much of a chameleon because I didn’t fit into lots of groups, but had friends from lots of groups.
2. What were you really?: Um… didn’t I answer that?
3. If you could go back and tell your 16 year old self one thing, what would it be?: Get out of Galeton!! Never come back!!
4. If you could erase one moment from your school days what would it be?: Lets see…. there was the opened fly incident… boxers have flaps in the front, some have buttons to close those flaps some don’t, the ones I wore didn’t. So one day I wore jeans that had something wrong with the zipper, it wouldn’t stay up. Everything was ok until gym class, after I got rechanged into my regular clothes the zipper wouldn’t stay up for more than 5 or 6 steps. So needless to say, open zipper, open boxer flap, peenor visible to all. Where’s my time eraser for that?
5. Who did you not date (or more) that you wish you did?: Oh man… I could write a list a mile long. There was Erin, Sarah… ok… thats all I can think of, but theres more I’m sure…

Bonus (as in optional): If you went to prom, describe your outfit.: I went through high school unprommed

8 chicks most guys think are hot that I find kinda ugly

1. Carmen Electra
2. Fergy (She’s basically Carmen Electra’s mini-me, except she likes to piss her pants and, without makeup, she looks like the Leprechaun from the Leprechaun movies)
3. Jessica Simpson
4. Jessica Biel (Maybe not “ugly” but i never saw what the big deal with her was)
5. Tila Tequila
6. Scarlett Johansson (Not sure if that’s spelled right, nor do I care)
7. Megan Fox
8. Gwen Stefani (But at least she takes cute asian girls with her where ever she goes)

(BTW, don’t confuse this list as me coming out of the closet.)

What I Learned This Week

7/6 – Learned that the P in Ernest P. Worrell stands for Powertools.
7/7 – Added “parsimony” to my vocabulary.
7/8 – The song “The Undertaker’s Thirst For Revenge is Unquenchable” by Chiodos is actually named after a direct quote a commentator said during a Professional Wrestling match. The Undertaker vs Triple H @ Wrestlemania 17 (or 18 maybe).
7/9 – That powdery stuff on the wings of moths are actually scales.
7/10 – Learned what Smegma is. Ew.
7/11 – Added “Eldritch” to my vocabulary.
7/12 – Learned a few japanese phrases and words. Mainly derogatory comments.

What’s left of my self-esteem disapproves of your subtle fat joke.

Here’s a conversation I had with my mother the other day. To prove that “Positive Reinforcement” is not in her vocabulary.

Me: You know these jeans I’m wearing?
Mom: Yeah?
Me: Two months ago they were too small to fit, now they do.
*pause*

Now… this is were a normal, relatively polite person would say something like “Oh, you must’ve lost weight then.” But not my mom…

*unpause*
Mom: Yeah, that’s probably because they don’t get dried in the dryer anymore, just hung out to dry, that’s probably why they fit ya now.

Consecutive Lonely Weekend #166: One More Fireworks Display Closer to Death

Where lonely weekend #126 was one of the best lonely weekends, #166 was one of the 5 worst for several weekends.

First, it was 4th of July weekend, and my tiny little town goes bat shit crazy during 4th of July weekend. The barely 1,000 population in this town looks more like a New York City block during rush hour. People come from all the way from Florida, if not further away, to see Galeton’s fireworks display. Being lonely with all those people around makes it 10 times worse.

Secondly, I spent the entire 2 weeks before absolutely stoked that my friend Nicole was gonna come up and hang out with me. Since we never hung out before it would have made my 4th of July 10 times better, but that didn’t happen. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised anymore.

Third, no sleep. I went to bed late and woke up early just so I could be awake when Nicole showed up. Again, that didn’t happen. I even cancelled 2 fishing trips with my dad and brother so I could be here incase Nicole showed up.

All in all, it was one of the worst weekends I’ve lived through in my life, and the first real time I question why I’m even alive anymore.

Conversational Cannibalism and Interaction Insanity

Let me start off by saying I have very few, if any friends, and even less “good” friends. Most average people have 1-5 really good friends, which they’ve probably known for a long, long time, another 10 or so friends, and then a dozen or so acquaintances they they’d wave to and chat with on the street but probably are not expecting birthday party invites.

I, however, do not. The guy that I would normally call “my best friend since kindergarten” and I have hung out for maybe 10 hours in the past 3 years thats about 1out of every 2630 hours. Now its not his job to hang out w/ me, he lives on the other side of the state and has shit to do. And thats not what this blog is about.

This blog is about the physical and psychological need to interact with people. And I firmly believe that a massive lack of intelligent conversation and general interaction can lead to a mental breakdown or even down-right insanity.

Now, I’m not claiming I’m cuckoo-bananas, but I do often get depressed when I go a short time without talking to someone. With the exception of the few hours I hung out with my friend Will this year, all my conversations have been with my parents, a store clerk, my dogs (they don’t talk back sadly), or someone to whom I said “Hey, are you doing any hiring here?”

The lack of conversation and interaction makes me desperate, the longer I don’t talk to someone, the more desperate I get, human interaction is a basic human need. Some other basic human needs are food. A person goes without food for a while they’ll get desperate. They’ll hunt for food, they’ll steal food, they’ll rob or even kill someone to get money to pay for food if they have to. A normal, well fed person would never resort to cannibalism, but if you get stranded in a cave and go a few weeks without food and most people will think “Man, I hope the fat one dies first, he could last for days.” Think of it like this, if brussel sprouts are your least favorite food, but if its the only thing you have to eat, it doesn’t taste so bad when you’re starving.

Now how does cannibalism and/or brussel sprouts? If you ask me, conversational cannibalism would be classified as talking to yourself and answering back. You hear, or know of, homeless people talking to themselves as they walk down the street. Not too many people stop to chat with a homeless man.

Luckily for me, I’m not a conversational cannibal… yet… I still have one method of interaction left: The Webbernets… Its why I blog. Comments are like quick convos. Quickies are fine if you’re not getting anything else. There are chat rooms, social networking sites, lots of options. Lately, the only friends I can say that I actually have are something I call e-cquaintances, people you talk to through chat rooms, IMs or social networking sites. I’d say I have 1 really good e-cquaintance, 1 or 2 semi-good e-cquaintances, and around 3 not so good e-cquaintances. And only one of those I talk to more than two times per month.

So I decided to broden my e-rizons and join some social network sites. Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, OKCupid, FaceTheJury, Plenty of Fish, Yahoo Personals, Adocu, and Faceparty are only a few of the websites I have or had accounts on that I would say I used to meet people. With the exceptions of 2 or 3 people on Myspace, I’d say social networking for me was an epic fail.

The thing I dislike the most is the fact that people who have dozens of real life friends get all the friends on these social network sites. Granted, its “social” and if they have lots of friends in life then they are obviously good at “social.” I’m not so good at the social aspect. Besides Myspace, none of my plethora of social network adventures turned out to be more than one or two short conversations and then nothing. End of conversation. End of possible budding friendship.

So what is a guy to do before succumbing to conversational cannibalism? Should I just start planning for interaction insanity? I used to think “Hey, if they won’t talk to me, maybe they’ll talk to someone else.” But that can get someone in trouble. I’d talk to someone about this problem, but… I think we already covered this…