TMI Tuesday 161

Play Along at TMI Tuesday

1. When did you last use your cellular telephone as a flashlight?
Better question: when was the last time the word “cellular” was used instead of “cell”? Way to be down with the early 90’s, question… Maybe after I answer this question we’ll hang out, listen to Nirvana on cassette with you boom box, drink Crystal Pepsi and watch The Snorks, and then go rent some VHS tapes… oh and by the way…. the answer is never… nice flannel jacket wrapped around your waist though…

2. On a scale from 1-10, how comfy are you being naked?
In general 7-8…. in shower 9.5 (i always think “What if someone’s hiding behind the shower curtain”… I’m comfortable with my nudity… the real victim is the one looking at me naked…. I’m fat and white as a ghost… I’m like a huge marshmellow…. spying on my naked is a punishment in itself…

3. What is the longest you’ve ever been celibate after having lost your virginity?
Wait… is this a trick question? Can’t count that high…

4. Have you ever had sex in a car? If yes, since you were a teenager?
No, and no… but now “Have I ever had sex WITH a car” that is a different question… same answer though, no…

5. When did you last use food or drink as medication?
Beer: mood modifier

Bonus: Name three words that:
a) get you excited
Blindfolded Asain Girls… I’m kidding by the way…. or am I? (Hint: I am)

b) make you squirm
(I’m guessing squirm is used to describe something bad)
1. cain’t
2. Smegma (DON’T look it up on the wiki… I’m serious… don’t do it… NO!… You’re looking it up aren’t you… alright… I warned you… )
3. catheter (I’m not saying I’m tiny “down there” but the catheter I had installed in me the last time I was in the hospital was HUUUUUUUGE… it wasn’t a small tube… the thing was a pipe… like something you’d see under the sink…. and urinating after it was taken out was strange… ever see Austin Powers in Goldmember… there were some catheter inspired scenes in that movie…)

c) make you laugh:
1. Masticate (I do it 1-3 times a day… everyone does… its normal)
2. Gum (cuz its one letter away from sexual harassment)
3. Kumquat

TMI Tuesday #160

Play along at TMI Tuesday

1. Ever been skinny dipping?
No…. i look bad enough naked alone after shrinkage takes effect

2. How often do you kiss or make out without it simply being a foreplay activity?
Haven’t even gotten close in the last seven years

3. On a scale of 1-10, how content are you with your life? (1 is lowest, 10 is highest) Do you think ‘content’ and ‘happy’ the same thing?
1.5… I know it could be worse, but not much… content is just a lower level of happiness

4. What do you do to relieve stress?
play with my dog, write

5. What was the special trait in your first lover that made you decide that they were “the one?”
lol… as sad as it sounds: she talked to me

Bonus: How old were you when you first had sex? (positive experiences here…)
I’m positive i haven’t experienced it yet