Josh a la Mode

My life… ice cream optional

Archive for the ‘Expiate’ Category

Coming Clean: My Sexual History

Posted by Josh on September 1, 2007

It’s not sweeps week, but here’s a big(ish) lie I’ve told to 2 or 3 people.

I = a virgin

Yep, I’ve told people I had sex for different reasons. Either A) because I never thought I’d see them and thought that they would care less since we wouldn’t be talking anymore in a week or two (I have a history of people IMing me and then never talking to me again in a couple weeks). Or B) they had a much more exciting sex life that I wanted something to relate to them with. I just didn’t want to be the guy who, when talking about sex, says “yeah? and then what happened? And what happened next?” I wanted to be able to at least say “Yeah, that is fun to do it that way.”

It was never because I felt like I had to make it seem like I was a sex god. My common lie was that I had sex with one girl, one time. Now if I wanted to seem manly, why wouldn’t I just say “I slept with 30 women, multiple times each, and I think your sister was one of them.”

And its not just vaginal sex that I’m a virgin to… a virgin with…. a virgin by… anyway, never had oral sex, and never had anal sex (And I think I’ll be ok with remaining an anal sex virgin). The closest thing to sex that I’ve had was the one time I went down on a girl for maybe 5 or 6 seconds before we were interupted.

So, sorry for lying.

Posted in Expiate | Leave a Comment »

Coming Clean: First Edition

Posted by Josh on August 28, 2007

Coming clean is a section of Josh à la Mode that I’ll attempt to come clean from a lie I told to someone. Whether its a white lie, or a black, greasy, parasitic lie. So, I’ll start it off rather easily…

I don’t really hate Canada, Michigan, Oregon, Washington, or Florida. I just think its fun to pick on them.

So, sorry for lying.

Posted in Expiate | Leave a Comment »