Consecutive Lonely Weekend #168: Enter Confusion

Another lonely weekend on its way and saturday morning I was wondering if I’d have any highlights to write about. And apparently I do.

The closest thing I have to a friend, or maybe I should say ex-closest thing I had to a friend, apparently hates me and I have no idea why.

She IMed me saturday with “ohhhh shit” so immediately I think she found out bad news from her doctor, or is in a fight with her room mate, or something really bad happened. And as I usually do with my friends, I begin to worry, until she tells me that you get into a Chiodos (her favorite band) show for free if you send them a pic of your Chiodos tattoo. I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that is not life threatening news. I’m about to ask her if she ever got that chiodos quote tattoo she said she wanted, she mentions that she gets paid on friday. I figure thats her way of saying “I’m getting my tattoo after I get paid on friday.” I have nothing really relevent to add to her last comment. I know she loves Chiodos/Craig Owens, I know she’s been talking about getting a Chiodos tattoo, I even know where she wants the tattoo. Hence, I’m sure she’ll send the pick of the tattoo to Chiodos, hence, getting into a future Chiodos show for free. So, instead of saying nothing which might imply that I don’t give a shit about her getting a tattoo or seeing chiodos, I just say “OK.”

And those two little letters apparently pissed her the fuck off…

She called me an asshole at least twice, said that I purposely make her feel like shit all the time, and that I never care about what happens in her life.

Enter confusion.

So I’m here, trying to figure out what the hell I did. All this just because I said “OK”? Maybe I should have asked her to describe the tattoo she’s getting again, even though I already know about it, and it’d be a waste of time for her to explain it to me again.

So, very concerned that she’s angry with me, I ask her how I’ve made her feel like shit. She repeats the fact that when she says something I don’t care care about it, which is untrue, I’ve always found her fascinating. So I ask her for a specific example of when and what she said and what I said, or didn’t say, that made her feel like that, but she just repeated that everything I say, every single day, I make her feel like shit. No specific examples, however. If, and its a big if, I did say something to her that made her feel like shit, it wasn’t my intent, it’s very possible she misunderstood me. But everything I say makes her think I don’t care about her? I find that hard to believe.

So I compiled a list of things that she might mean, In my still confused state these seem like viable examples to times where I’ve said or done something that made her feel like shit.

1. The time she got to go to an amusement park and camping for her birthday, and I left a comment on her myspace saying “I hope you’re having fun on your birthday, you deserve it.” I totally understand how selfish and assholic that comment is.

2. When she told me she was gonna die during surgery, and I waited by the phone for hours until her mom called after her surgery, and said that she was OK, and the immense relief I felt, how I basically jumped around the room, incredibly happy that she was OK and nearly started crying because I was so happy she was still alive. That was also the sign of a major asshole.

3. The times I go out of my way just to make her laugh, even if I gotta make fun of myself, and usually failing miserably. Muchos Asshole.

4. The numerous times I told her how beautiful, strong, smart, and overall amazing I think she is. Perfect asshole characteristics.

5. When she went to the warped tour and got her chance to meet Chiodos/Craig Owens I sent her a myspace comment saying “I hope you have fun today.” and later on, after she said she was moments away from the best moment of her life, I left a comment that said “I’m glad to hear that you’re happy” (Not to mention the numerous times that I’ve been glad that she had fun doing something or going somewhere). Only assholes get happy when they hear that their friends are happy.

6. All the times I felt bad that I couldn’t do anything to help her health, or be there to do stuff with her, and expressed my sadness due to helplessness. A nice person wouldn’t do that, only an asshole.

7. The times I try to talk her out of hurting herself. Most nice guys would just let her do it.

8. The 4 or 5 times, if not more, that I get all excited about her coming here to hang out, and she doesn’t make it here, but I’m just as excited, if not more, the next time. Starts with an “A” ends with a “sshole.”

9. That fact that I always try to learn everything I can about her. Assholey.

10. The uncountable times we playfully argueed over who loved who more. Most assholes would try to prove how much they love a girl, hence, I’m an asshole.

So yeah, I guess I can understand that she thinks I’m the world’s biggest asshole.

8 chicks most guys think are hot that I find kinda ugly

1. Carmen Electra
2. Fergy (She’s basically Carmen Electra’s mini-me, except she likes to piss her pants and, without makeup, she looks like the Leprechaun from the Leprechaun movies)
3. Jessica Simpson
4. Jessica Biel (Maybe not “ugly” but i never saw what the big deal with her was)
5. Tila Tequila
6. Scarlett Johansson (Not sure if that’s spelled right, nor do I care)
7. Megan Fox
8. Gwen Stefani (But at least she takes cute asian girls with her where ever she goes)

(BTW, don’t confuse this list as me coming out of the closet.)

What I Learned This Week

7/6 – Learned that the P in Ernest P. Worrell stands for Powertools.
7/7 – Added “parsimony” to my vocabulary.
7/8 – The song “The Undertaker’s Thirst For Revenge is Unquenchable” by Chiodos is actually named after a direct quote a commentator said during a Professional Wrestling match. The Undertaker vs Triple H @ Wrestlemania 17 (or 18 maybe).
7/9 – That powdery stuff on the wings of moths are actually scales.
7/10 – Learned what Smegma is. Ew.
7/11 – Added “Eldritch” to my vocabulary.
7/12 – Learned a few japanese phrases and words. Mainly derogatory comments.

200 Things I Want To Do Before I Die

Me and my friend Nicole pondered making a 100 things to do before Death and a 50 things to do before her next birthday List… as it turns out listing 100 things was rather easy for me, so I went above and beyond the call of duty and added another 100 things to the list… so here it is, I’ll cross things off as I complete them… The ones in bold are the top 10 most important.

1. MEET NICOLE!!!!!!!!
2. See Nicole become 100% healthy.
3. Prove to Nicole that she is amazing.
4. Prove to Nicole that I love her more.
5. Have & hang out with friends.
6. Have Girlfriend/Fall in Love.
7. Make a board game.
8. Visit the Sphinx & Pyramids of Egypt.
9. Visit the 7 wonders of the world.
10. Get G4 back.
11. Get a job & stay at job for longer than 1 1/2 months.
12. Go to an iMax theater.
13. Participate in the Running of the Bulls.
14. Visit the Museum of the Weird in Austin, Texas.
15. Touch an elephant & rhino in Africa (not in the inappropriate way).
16. Spend thanksgiving feeding the homeless.
17. Watch a live Old West Shoot Out reenactment.
18. Leave Galeton.
19. Play the trade game with a friend. (2 people buy something for $10 at store/mall. They exchange purchases, try to trade them to other people for more worthwhile objects. After a week/month person with most worthwhile object wins. Document it on film.)
20. Help someone accomplish something they want to do before they die.
21. Finish at least a seasons worth of TV scripts that I’ve started, Finish at least 25/100 of my sports comedy movie scripts, & turn a couple of my stories into movie scripts.
22. Invent something useful.
23. Get several tattoos & piercings. (Including a 3D tattoo)
24. Finish downloading 80’s & 90’s Commercials, Ask a Ninja, Red vs Blue, & Pruane videos and make DVDs of them.
25. Participate in a Civil War/Battle of Gettysburg reenactment.
26. Be generally happy for at least a month straight.
27. Visit an amusement park.
28. Give an entire Town free ice cream cones on the hottest day of the year.
29. Check out the Devil Boat (Submarine in the Desert) in Idaho.
30. Walk across Rhode Island.
31. Save someone’s life.
32. Read more often.
33. Increase NES game collection & collection of old school, b-movie horrors DVDs.
34. Check out Fredosaurus Rex (The Mr. Rogers Dinosaur) in Pittsburgh, PA.
35. Always stay recalcitrant.
36. Visit Yosemite National Park.
37. Go to one of those insult restaurants.
38. Take up free-running.
39. Write Deception Theory book.
40. Build, or convince someone to build, a Nostalgia Hall of Fame.
41. Watch Trent Reznor take down the music industry.
42. Get a Clutch band shirt.
43. Finish Diablo II w/ all characters on all difficulties.
44. Go on Route 6 Road Trip (Massachusetts to California) and Weird Named Town Road Trip.
45. See northern lights.
46. Visit The Church Built Around a Rock, The Rock Animal Zoo, and The Unclaimed Baggage Center in Alabama.
47. Spend the night in an old castle.
48. Give someone a relaxing massage.
49. Learn something new every day.
50. Go around a town and collect pennies from people and donate them to charity.
51. Visit the Grand Canyon.
52. Publish a poetry book.
53. Convince a very rich person to make a large donation to charity.
54. Go to the Habitat for Humanity’s Slum Theme Park in Georgia.
55. Outlive Keith Richards, dance on his grave.
56. See my 10 favorite bands in concert.
57. Protest something.
58. Hear someone say they need me, and really mean it.
59. Visit the Hakone Kowakien Yunessun Wine Spa in Hakone, Japan.
60. Go to a renaissance faire.
61. Sing a song for someone.
62. Go to the Dungeons & Dragons-themed Park In Illinois.
63. Make at least 5 albums of music I recorded.
64. Have a Pirate party on International Talk Like a Pirate Day.
65. Go to New Orleans for Mardi Gras.
66. Start clothing line.
67. Use one of those old timey gas pumps.
68. Visit Sundance Film Festival.
69. See all 50 states.
70. Participate in a Zombie Walk.
71. Make someone laugh until they cry.
72. Go on a cruise.
73. Never renege.
74. Go to Wow Wee Maui Candy & Oxygen Bar, Paper Airplane Museum, World’s Largest Hedge Maze, and World’s Most Scenic Urinal in Hawaii.
75. Go to college.
76. Have a friend of every religion and ethnicity.
77. Meet Cristina Scabbia, Corey Taylor, Ed Roland, Olivia Munn, Tony Parker, David Robinson, and Neve Campbell.
78. Visit Oktoberfest.
79. Lose virginity. Lose oral sex virginity… in fact, lose all virginity…
80. Build something out of super glue and pennies, like a penny castle.
81. Go Skinny Dipping.
82. Go to the Testicle Festival in Clinton, Montana.
83. Have conversation with the worlds smartest person.
84. Swim in the Pacific Ocean.
85. Visit Stonehedge.
86. Spend at least a year straight travelling.
87. Learn Japanese & Visit Japan.
88. Go ice water swimming, Polar Bear Club style.
89. Touch a whale.
90. Make documentary.
91. Break consecutive lonely weekend streak.
92. Ride in the World’s Oldest Elevator in Washington, DC.
93. Visit several haunted places in America.
94. Jump off the cliff at Rick’s Cafe in Negril, Jamaica into the ocean.
95. Buy new Bibles for an entire church.
96. Put actual drawbridge on future home.
97. Go Base Jumping.
98. Be someone’s travel buddy.
99. Play team paintball.
100. Turn 100 things to do before death list into 200 things to do before death list.
101. See Live Spurs game.
102. Have a long, meaningful conversation with someone.
103. Visit the Baltimore Tattoo Museum.
104. See a yeti crab in real life.
105. Fly a plane.
106. Participate in The Great Whipped Cream Battle in the Czech Republic.
107. See The Amazing Johnathan, Christopher Titus, & Dave Attel live.
108. Swim with dolphins.
109. Eat a Coffeeburger (World’s Largest Hamburger) at Sioux Sundries in Harrison, Nebraska.
110. Participate in the Cooper’s Hill Cheese Rolling contest in Gloucester, England.
111. Find a four-leaf clover.
112. Stand on all 7 continents.
113. Visit The Petrified Forrest, The Mysterious Moving Rocks, The La Brea Tar Pits, and The Human Chess Board in California.
114. See a rhesus macaque, then say “Hey everyone, look at macaque” and maybe touch macaque in public.
115. Explore a cave.
116. Figure out what the hell to do in Zelda II: The Adventures of Link.
117. Hold an Anaconda.
118. Collect/Create town shirts from weird named towns.
119. Build life sized house with Popsicle sticks and a hot glue gun.
120. Understand that anal and annals are not pronounced the same.
121. Give an entire town free hot cocoa on the coldest day of the year.
122. Compete in the World Rock, Paper, Scissors Championship Tournament.
123. Check out Osama Bin Bigfoot in Indiana.
124. Spend Valentine’s Day with someone special.
125. Volunteer at a no-kill Animal Shelter.
126. Stay youthful/Never give in to senescence.
127. Watch birds in Carlisle, PA again.
128. Go Zorbing & Sledging, preferably in New Zealand.
129. Build a Giant statue out of legos.
130. Visit the torture museum in Amsterdam.
131. Learn Capoeira.
132. Make a live action graphic novel.
133. Visit Santa’s House & Statue, Skinny Dick’s Halfway Inn, Igloo City, and Gates of the Artic in Alaska.
134. Plant trees on Arbor Day.
135. Go to a nude beach.
136. Quit smoking.
137. Be able to get back into writing poetry again.
138. Get all of my wordpress blogs popular.
139. Shake THE HAND of the guy with the largest penis (14.5 inches). Tell him he’s an inspiration. Buy his peener a drink.
140. Go on a hot air balloon ride.
141. Takes something apart and put it back together.
142. Make someone very very happy.
143. Visit the Enchanted Forest in Dover-Foxcroft, Maine.
144. Visit Centralia, PA.
145. Buy people I love lots of Christmas presents.
146. Learn to draw.
147. Pet a tiger.
148. Find something thought to be false and prove it to be true.
149. Go streaking.
150. Visit Easter Island.
151. Drive one of those old timey cars.
152. Have weekend long Movie marathon & cuddlefest.
153. Own an all black cat.
154. Fix, or find duplicate of, favorite jeans.
155. Finish Omnighost, The World’s Worst, Synderella, Bloodcell, Be(lie)ve, and Van Garrido Stories.
156. Visit world’s largest Ten Commandments in Murphy North Carolina.
157. Get faster internet.
158. Do some charity work.
159. Be in a shin kicking contest.
160. Go to the Voodoo Museum in Louisiana.
161. Go camping.
162. Teach somebody something (preferably to never try a 200 things before death list).
163. Visit Strip Club.
164. Always be opinionated and express opinions.
165. Buy something in an Adult Store.
166. Tip a cow.
167. Visit Angel Falls in Venezuela, Tugela Falls in South Africa, and Langfoss Falls in Norway and stand underneath them all.
168. Win a giant stuffed animal at a fair/carnival/amusement park for someone .
169. Paint future bedroom with reflective gray/silver paint and write all my poetry in black paint on walls, ceiling, and floor.
170. Visit Fucking, Austria.
171. Enjoy at least half of my remaining birthdays.
172. Find someone with as much ambitions as me.
173. Live to see the cure for cancer and aids.
174. Break the world record for most people hugged in a day.
175. Drink an imported beer from every country that exports beer.
176. Sit and listen to a busker.
177. Steal something from a rich person and give it to a poor person.
178. Visit World’s Largest Toy Museum in Branson, MO.
179. Get a story of mine published.
180. Never let my nephews borrow anything ever again, but still be nice to them.
181. Get all episodes of The Adventures of Pete & Pete.
182. Visit the Mall of America.
183. Play miniature golf.
184. Go to the restaurant in Japan where women do everything men tell them to.
185. Get down to ideal weight.
186. Go to the Museum of Sex in New York.
187. Finish my “How to be Power Metal” guide.
188. Go to SXSW Music Festivals.
189. Be in Punxsutawney for Groundhog’s Day.
190. Go to a Medieval Times Restaurant.
191. See a play live.
192. Go hiking.
193. Go to Ozzfest.
194. Make Independent romance, comedy, and Horror movies & few web videos.
195. Visit World’s Smallest Museum, Hall of Flame, and “The Thing?” in Arizona.
196. Beat the first Super Mario Brothers NES Game.
197. Go to Highway 127 Yard Sale (The World’s Longest Yardsale).
198. Spend a Christmas handing out gifts to sick children.
199. Learn origami.
200. Finish 200 things I want to do before I die list.

5 Best and 5 Worst X-Mas presents ever

5 Best X-Mas Presents Ever
1. Ninja Turtles-apalooza (Got like 20 Ninja turtle action figures, heaven when you’re 6 years old)
2. DVD Recorder
3. Sega Saturn (My favorite video game system ever, even though I only had like 5 games for it)
4. A Christmas Story on DVD
5. 3 Stooges DVDs, I think I lost them or something…

5 Worst X-Mas Presents Ever
1. Underwear
2. Socks
3. Soda (A pack of Jones’s holiday soda, turkey & gravy, pea, sweet potato, antacid, and dinner roll flavors)
4. Pack of blank VCR tapes
5. Losing lottery tickets

Everyone has their flaws, but I have them all

Big list of my flaws (That I Know About)
- I snore
- I’m fat
- Missing tooth
- I’m pretty boring
- Jobless
- Own house/apartment ownership-challenged
- I swear one of my eyes is lower on my head than the other
- My eyebrows are never even
- Virgin
- I suck at flirting
- No $$$
- I got a 4.85 (out of ten) total rating on Facethejury.com
- The left side of my jaw is bigger than the right
- Single for more than 7 Years
- I have no solid experience being a boyfriend
- I literally have no real friends, just 3 “Internet acquaintances”
- No car
- I literally have nothing to offer in a relationship or friendship (hence no friends, no relationship)
- I’m pretty sure I’m starting to lose my hair
- I’ve spent over 120 lonely weekends in a row

go me….

You’ll rebel to anything (As long as it’s not challenging)

How many have you done?

1) smoked weed or cigs [x]
2) consumed alcohol [x]
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex []
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex []
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex [x]
6) made out with someone of the same sex []
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex [x]
watched porn [x]
9) bought porn[]
10) done drugs [] not any that weren’t previously mentioned
TOTAL: 5

11) taken pain killer [x]
12) taken someone elses prescription medicine []
13) lied to your parents [x]
14) lied to a friend [x]
15) snuck out of the house []
16) done something illegal [x]
17) cut yourself [x]
18) hurt someone [x]
19) wished someone to die []
20) seen someone die []
TOTAL: 6

21) missed curfew []
22) stayed out all night [x]
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself []
24) been to a therapist []
25) been to rehab []
26) dyed your hair [x]
27) recieved a ticket []
28) been in a wreck [x]
29) been to a club []
30) been to a bar [x] once…. bars blow
TOTAL: 4

31) been to a wild party []
32) seen the Mardi Gras []
34) had a spring break in Florida []
35) sniffed anything []
36) wore black nail polish [x]
37) wore arm bands []
38) wore t-shirts with band names [x]
39) listened to rap [x]
40) own a 50 cent cd []
TOTAL: 3

41) dressed gothic [x]
42) dressed prep [x]
43) dressed punk [x]
44) dressed grunge [x]
45) stole something [x]
46) been too drunk to remember anything []
47) blacked out []
48) fainted []
49) had a crush on your neighbor []
50) had someone sneak into your room []
TOTAL: 5

51) snuck into someone else’s room []
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex []
53) been to a concert [x]
54) dry humped someone []
55) been called a slut []
56) called someone a slut [x]
57) installed speakers in your car []
58) broke a mirror []
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex’s house []
60) brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush []
TOTAL: 2

61) consider ludacris your favorite rapper []
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters [x]
63) cruised the mall [x]
64) skipped school [x]
65) had an eating disorder []
66) had an injury [x]
67) gone to court []
68) walked out of a resteraunt without paying []
69) caught something on fire [x]
70) lied about your age []
TOTAL: 5

71) owned an apartment [x] well I rented an apartment, I didn’t own the entire thing
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend []
73) been cheated on [x]
74) got in trouble with the police [1/2x] it was all a big misunderstanding… honestly
75) talked to a stranger [x]
76) hugged a stranger []
77) kissed a stranger []
78) rode in the car with a stranger []
79) been sexually harrassed []
80) been verbally harrassed []
TOTAL: 3 1/2

81) met face to face with someone you met online [] nope, my “online friends” don’t seem to care that much
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight [1/2x] i may have been online or on my computer for 12 hours in a day, but not really in a row
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight []
84) watched tv for 12 hours straight []
85) been to a fair [x]
86) been called a bad influence []
87) cursed [x]
88) prank called someone []
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex [x]
90) cheated on a test [x]
TOTAL: 4 1/2

91) cheated on homework [x]
93) been pushed into a pool []
94) played pool [x]
95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight [] I can’t stand MTV for 5 minutes, let alone 5 hours
96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you [1/2x]
97) had a crush on someone younger than you [x]
98) wear eyeliner []
99) skinny dipped []
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt []
TOTAL: 3 1/2

TOTAL: 41 1/2

10-20= goodie good
21-30= a little rebelious
31-40= getting hot baby
41-50= rebel
51-60= total bad girl/boy
61-70= bitch/asshole
71-80= cant believe you made it this far
81-90= fucking bad ass
91-100= see u in hell

My 7 Biggest Crushes of All Time

In initial form

1. NM
2. RS (a)
3. MC (a)
4. TS
5. EF
6. SS
7. TM

I Need a Shoulder to Die On

I’ve been thinking about my own funeral lately. I haven’t set a date and don’t plan to for awhile, but I have thought about how I want it to go down.

I don’t want a lotta people there. In fact the guest list is gonna be much smaller than the invitation list to 2007’s E3. First of all I want my parents there (If they out last me), My Brother and Sister and my sisters kids, and if its not too much trouble, I want my dogs there too, even though their expiration date will most likely be before mine. The only “friend” I want at my funeral is “KP”. Everybody else in my family and all of my other “friends” are not invited. Mainly because they never really made much time for me in life, so why should they be expected to make time for me after death. And if they do show up, prepare for a haunting.

I don’t care what happens to all my stuff, as long as I’m buried with a 2 GB MP3 player full of all my favorite music. And I do not want that MP3 Player to be an iPod. iPods blow. And I want an extra long lasting battery. Like get a person who knows their shit about modding mp3 players and hooking them up to larger batteries and put headphones on my head and push play before they lower me into my dead-hole. And just let it play until the batteries die.

Top 5 Ways I’d like to die
1. During sex, preferably after orgasm.
2. While saving someone else’s life, preferably a stranger, to maintain some mystery.
3. After hitting the ground while Sky diving
4. Like John Dillinger (with a massive hard-on)
5. Being shot by Rambo

Top 5 Ways I wouldn’t like to die
1. While masturbating
2. While surfing for porn
3. While masturbating and surfing for porn
4. Pulling an Elvis aka while droppin’ a duece
5. By drowning

13 foods my life would be incomplete without

1. Doritos
2. Salad (Preferably the salad bar at the Pudgies in Wellsboro.)
3. Lasagna
4. Mountain Dew
5. Tea
6. Rice
7. Snickers
8. Turkey subs from Sheetz with lettuce, onion, tomato, mayo, Italian Romano dressing, hold the cheese.
9. McDonald’s Double Quarter Pounders with Cheese
10. Burger King’s Double Whoppers
11. Whatchamacallit candy bars
12. Sun chips
13. The chicken poppers from Galeton’s Acorn